It's dead easy, this.
Simply rate these statements according to those that most offend you.
(One point for condescension, Two for racism, Three for utter stupidity and Four for “I’d like to poke her eyes out with a very large stick”)…
1. “From my perspective, there was no one looking after David's welfare”
2. "This is a simple man who comes from a village who has nothing"
3. “I'm disappointed because it discourages other people from doing the same thing - for anybody who had the idea that they, too, would like to open their home and give a life to a child.”
4. "I assure you it doesn't matter who you are or how much money you have, nothing goes fast in Africa.”
5. "There are no adoption laws in Malawi. And I was warned by my social worker that because there were no known laws in Malawi, they were more or less going to have to make them up as we went along. And she did say to me, 'Pick Ethiopia. Go to Kenya. Don't go to Malawi because you're just going to get a hard time.'"
(N.B. Sorry…No Known Laws in Malawi?)
6. “It is a state of emergency. As far as I'm concerned, the adoption laws have to be changed to suit that state of emergency. I think if everybody went there, they'd want to bring one of those children home with them and give them a better life."
(Ahhh. Solving Global Poverty, the celebrity way. When people go to Spain on holiday they generally WANT to bring back those hideous straw donkeys and bottles of sangria, but it don’t make it right. That’s all I’m saying…)
Anyway, I’m bored of the sound of my own voice where this story is concerned, but there are plenty of other people being considerably more amusing about it than I ever could be.
I particularly like the live web log of Madge’s Oprah interview recorded on EW.COM. The whole thing is splendid (Only truly awesome way for this episode to end? "YOU get an orphan! YOU get an orphan! YOU get an orphan! EV-ry BO-dy GETS an OR-phan!") but I particularly liked this:
4:01:42 FYI: Today's British Accent Alert level is orange.
4:01:59 What's really surprised Madonna is how great her children are with young, possibly-illegally-adopted David. Because lemme tell ya, they treat the help like ass.
4:02:14 Picture of David being manhandled by Rocco gets obligatory "aw" from audience, who are still trying to assess if/when they're getting free stuff today.
4:02:20 Picture of David being manhandled by Guy Richie, however, gets a laugh. Curious.
4:02: 34 "That's the amazing thing about children," says Madonna. "They don't ask questions." Unlike all those horrible people who are trying to figure out what, exactly, I told the illiterate African man before I took his baby away.