Found something very funny. The Judge Judy website (yes, my life really is this empty) has a button on inviting you to, "subpoena a pal".
Unfortunately, the site's photographs of the fabulous Judy herself do make her look rather like a ghost train ghoul (with a better tan):
She's definitely a woman who shouldn't smile.
Oh my lord: her book is called Don't Pee on my Leg and Tell me it's Raining.
What a legend.