Maureen Lipman, my unlikely new hero. You may not have seen it, but my goodness it was very special television.
Trinny Woodall, of Trinny and Tranny fame, was on Maureen Lipman's team in the BBC's Comic Relief 'Apprentice' show last night.
She was COMPLETELY BONKERS, which of course will come as no surprise (at one point launching a bizarre physical attack on Alistair Campbell and Piers Morgan - then again, who wouldn't given the opportunity...)
However, what was hilarious was that Tranny was flying about being all jolly hockey sticks and doing all the clean, nice jobs available (did you know she was called Trinny at school after St Trinian's? Her name is actually Sarah...).
This seemed to involve tarting around town, calling all her rich mates, getting them to give lots of money to "charidee" and thinking she was oh so clever.
Meanwhile, the others - the ever-fabulous Jo Brand, Maureen Lipman and Karen Brady - were doing the shitty jobs, like gutting squid and so forth for the food they were going to serve.
You could see they were already getting annoyed when they were standing there in plastic aprons saying, "It seems that even where charity is concerned, the elite in life get the elite jobs".
Just as they were just getting down to making 400 portions of chicken satay, Tranny rang up, screeching, "Darlings, darlings, who are these people on the list? Whose guests are these? Darlings, angels, I need to know darlings" (literally).
Lipman says, 'give me the phone'.
"DARLING, DARLING DARLING. Those people are my guests. I suggest you just take it as a given that I have booked those tickets. I don't think you need to know the exact details, right now, this minute, do you DARLING?
'At this exact moment, I am up to my elbows SPLITTING FUCKING chickens. When I am finished doing this terribly glamorous job, DARLING, then I shall turn my attention to the matter of splitting hairs. Goodbye".
Then hangs up, smiles, and goes back to her poultry.
If that weren't funny enough, Cheryl Tweedy, back at the office with Tranny, turns to her and says, "Are you that...what's
it called, OCD?"