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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Really not bootiful

'Bernard Matthews will get £589,000 compensation for the birds compulsorily slaughtered to prevent the spread of bird flu, Defra has said.
More than 160,000 birds were killed after an outbreak of the virulent H5N1 strain of the disease on a farm owned by the firm in Suffolk in February.
The company said it always maintained biosecurity standards, and had taken steps to enhance measures.
The Conservatives have criticised the decision to award compensation.'

Sorry, WHAT? I am not remotely surprised that the Conservatives are getting hot under the collar about this. I can't say I'm altogether pleased about it myself.

First of all, Bernard 'Turkey Twizzler' Matthews buys in a load of cheap, rancid turkeys from a farm in Hungary that had ALREADY BEEN CONTAMINATED with bird flu on a previous occasion.

He imports it to the UK, wherein he intends to produce hideous, salt-ridden lips-tits-and-eyeballs 'poultry product', the sale of which will line his pockets at the expense of the general health and wellbeing of the nation's gluttonous children.

Then the company discovers that they've got a load of infected birds on their hands. Is their first action, then, to contact DEFRA immediately in order that action can be taken immediately to minimise the spread of infection? Or is to panic first and foremost about its own business reputation, and wait a full two days to contact the correct authorities?

First person to pick the correct answer wins a packet of Bernard Matthews turkey burgers, along with a bonus prize of salmonella and early-onset diabetes.

For this remarkably laissez-faire attitude toward the nation's safety, Bernard Matthews deserves to be amply compensated, apparently.

For your further information, here are the contents of a Turkey Twizzler (anyone know what a 'permitted sweetener' might be?)...Bon appetit!

Turkey (34%),
Pork fat,
Coating (sugar, rusk, tomato powder, wheat starch, dextrose, salt, wheat flour, potassium chloride, hydrogenated vegetable oil, citric acid, spices, onion powder, malt extract, smoke flavourings, garlic powder, colour [E160c], mustard flour, permitted sweetener [E951], herb, spice extracts, herb extracts),
Vegetable oil,
Turkey skin,
Wheat flour,
Stabiliser (E450),
Yeast extract,
Antioxidants (E304, E307, E330, E300),
Herb extract,
Spice extract,
Colour (E162).


Anonymous said...

Oh my lord! Do you have a fat tongue, ride a scooter and speak in mockney?

Nick said...


I especially like the "Aspartame controversy" towards the bottom

Lovely =o)

Jo said...

"Oh my lord! Do you have a fat tongue, ride a scooter and speak in mockney?"

Only on Thursdays. Why do you ask? Did we sleep together? I deny everything.



Anonymous said...

Of course we slept together Jamie, don't you remember whilst you were bent over I made you call me Sir Bernard! Just because I refused to answer your calls there's no need to dis my twizzlers! You used to love them ;o)