This is the American actor Will Smith's wife Jada Pinkett Smith, apparently talking about Tom Cruise's missus Katie Holmes (about who I am saying nothing, by the way. NADA. There's two groups of people I don't mess with in life: estate agents and Scientologists. Reasons are obvious).
Anyway, here are some choice excerpts from Jada, chuntering away quite happily to PEOPLE magazine:
"There was one incident when I turned to Will – we were in their dining room, just the four of us, we were sitting and talking – Kate made a comment, and that was the moment I was like, "You know what? I can ride with her."
"I can see how people wouldn't see this, but when you look at Kate now [compared to] when she first met Tom, she's more confident and more knowing who she is than ever before... I've watched that metamorphosis – how Kate has blossomed into this woman. Because her life changed very quickly, she moved from one person into another."On reports that Holmes is a 'prisoner':
"It burns my soul – I see her in the house with Tom; he doesn't have that on her! It kills me. 'Tom's this monster and he's got her chained up in the basement and he's forcing Scientology down her throat' – it's bulls---. Let me tell you: Kate ain't no little wimpy kitty cat. It's not that ballgame. For real."
"She very much carries the idea that people better not [mess] with my family. She gets fired up. When she gets to that mode, it makes me step back. I was like, 'Okay!' And Tom looks at me and goes, 'See? See? Did you see that?' And I go, "Yeah, I saw that – hell yeah.' It amazes me."
She's got a quiet thunder. When she walks into a room, or you see her in a magazine – it's a thunder that people are attracted to. It's quiet and it's very subtle, but it's extremely powerful."
"They are a happy family. And they're strong. The forces they have right now are amazing. They're like any other loving family that just wants peace and harmony and to be able to thrive in a nurturing environment, in an energy that supports their union."
"If you think about the transition she's done, with as much grace she's had, and on top of it with the attacks – I don't know how she does it. Nobody really looks at that."
"Tom don't run nothin' in that house! It is Katie's house. It's her world! The devotion that Tom has to his wife, and the places he'll go to make her happy – spiritually, where he will go as a man for his woman."Now then. I realise that:
a. The woman is an actress, and so is clearly insane
b. She lives in LA, and so is clearly insane
c. She hangs around with people who truly believe they are the reincarnation of aliens or some other putty-headed theory, and so is clearly insane
but really: what in the BUGGERY FUCK name of JESUS is the silly troll on about? I can 'ride with her'? Unless you're actually auditioning to play a part in the world's least palatable porno, what ARE you vomiting on about, woman?
I think we should scrap celebrating 'Talk Like a Pirate Day' this year (September 19th, in case you were wondering), in favour of 'Talk Like an American Actor Day'.
It'll be a hell of a lot more challenging.
Shiver me timbers.