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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Jailhouse Sucks

According to today’s news, drug-addled human vacuum Paris Hilton is only going to serve half of a sentence she received for drunk driving (or as they call it in America, “an alcohol-related reckless driving case”). Not only this, but the silly bint will stay in a ‘unit’ as opposed to a proper prison, which houses 12 two-person cells that are actually reserved for “police officers, public officials, celebrities and other high-profile prisoners”.

Think about that for a second.

If you break the law in America, you go to jail. If you break the law in America and you’re poor and black, statistically you’re going to jail for a fair while longer. If you break the law three times – even if yours is a non-violent crime, such as growing marijuana – you will go to jail for life. And, you probably don’t need me to tell you, they take the phrase “life sentence” a hell of a lot more seriously in America than they do here.

However, if you’re vacuously blonde, stick thin, come from an extremely wealthy family and have been rendered famous by releasing videos of yourself (badly) shagging your boyfriends on the internet, you can drive around “dangerously” on the streets of a major city while out of your tiny mind on booze and drugs, violate your subsequent parole and get no greater punishment than a few weeks in a “celebrity” Hilton-hotel-a-like prison cell as a result of your apparent good behaviour. (Good behaviour in this case simply means showing up to court, apparently.)

And I’ll bet you every penny I have that her little stint inside will do no harm at all to sales of her watches, her perfume, her soon-to-be-released ‘Paris in Prison’ lesbian ‘romps’ movie and its accompanying (no doubt already in the pipeline) “My jail time nightmare” autobiography.

Long live the American dream.

Paris Hilton will serve about half of her 45-day jail sentence and will be separated from the general inmate population, authorities say.
The party-loving hotel heiress will spend about 23 days in a "special needs housing unit" at the Century Regional Detention Centre in Lynwood, Los Angeles County sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said.
Her sentence was shortened after jail chiefs gave her credit for good behaviour, Whitmore said. Officials considered several factors in calculating the credit, including that she appeared for her latest court date, he said.
Hilton will stay in a unit that contains 12 two-person cells reserved for police officers, public officials, celebrities and other high-profile prisoners, he said.
The 26-year-old socialite was sentenced to jail this month for violating the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.’

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