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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Casting Ouch

Beowulf. An Old English heroic epic poem composed around 1100 AD, in which Beowulf, a hero of the Geats, battles three antagonists: Grendel, who is destroying Heorot and its inhabitants in Denmark, Grendel's mother, and a dragon.

What’s the first thing that springs to your mind when you consider this incredible piece of literature?

NOT Angelina Jolie, you say? Really?

You do surprise me.

'Finally, an Angelina Jolie movie her kids can watch. Jolie has signed on to star in a big-screen adaptation of the epic English poem "Beowulf" to be directed by Robert Zemeckis ("Forrest Gump").'


[FORREST GUMP. YES.]

'The film, like Zemeckis' previous movie, "The Polar Express," will use performance-capture technology to transform live acting into computer animation, according to The Hollywood Reporter. The story of the Scandinavian hero of the sixth century who slays a beast will star Ray Winstone ("Sexy Beast") as Beowulf, who saves the Danes from Grendel the monster, portrayed by the always creepy Crispin Glover ("Willard," "Charlie's Angels").
Jolie, who played Colin Farrell's youngish mother in "Alexander," will again portray a maternal character in the film, taking on the role of Grendel's mom.'


[GRENDEL’S MOM. MOM. I need a sit down].

'The cast also includes Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn and John Malkovich. The movie is scheduled for a 2007 release.'

2 comments:

Ron said...

Haha! Okay, you let one large kiwi make film adaptations of Tolkien's 20th Century LOTR books, then every director goes delving into the libraries and low and behold we get a silver screen adaptation of a 12th century epic? I smell a flop. And Angelina Jolie? Really? I'm still recovering from her performance in the three-hour gay porno you referenced (Alexander). Where she conjured up that Transylvanian suck-your-blood accent still baffles me. Give the woman some pistols and tight shirts again, because her attempts at serious acting leaves much to be desired. As for the other cast, I do like Anthony Hopkins, and I think John Malkovich is brilliant. I wish he were in better movies. I absolutely loved him in Empire of the Sun starring opposite a VERY young Christian Bale. Such a great movie. Anyway, back to Beowulf. Terrible idea. Although I do applaud the effort to make it fun and interesting, rather than the stodgy old english class required reading.

Jo said...

"stodgy old english class required reading"? Pah. For shame, Ron...

OK, so Beowulf isn't exactly the easiest read in the world, but people say the same thing about Geoffrey Chaucer and Geoff's stuff is HILARIOUS.

It's all sex, adultery, drunken shenanigans and quite a bit of dunking vicars in boiling oil. What's not to love?

Maybe we should have a quiet word with Zemekis, tell him to scrap this ill-fated project and replace it with "Chaucer - the Carry On Years".